If Only You Could Believe in Yourself

By Ipinnaiye Opeyemi Isaiah, Nigeria

Young people have suffered from various set backs because they lack self-esteem.

Self-esteem is a very vital ingredient in achieving success and greatness in life.

Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. It is based on the value you place on yourself; the job you do; your achievements; how you think others see you; your purpose in life; your potential for success; your strengths and weaknesses; as well as, your social status and independence.

Young people with high self-esteem are more likely to believe in themselves, have a sense of importance and self-respect. Self-esteem affects how you will approach new tasks or challenges and how you interact with others.

It plays an important role in every aspect of life. For example, when choosing a career; you need to have confidence in yourself: the basic fact is that there are no easy courses; but with determination, hard work and goal setting, you are sure of performing excellently, irrespective of the challenges you encounter.

Teenagers with low self-esteem may avoid challenging activities, or may give up quickly, quit or cheat when things are not going well for them. A child with low self esteem may also be a bully, bossy, have a low level of self control, and may have difficulty in interacting with people.

Rick Pitino, in his book, “Success is a Choice” described people with low self-esteem as often unfocused and easily frustrated. He said they tend to be under achievers, lack discipline and have poor organizational skills; they find it difficult to finish things, have a sense of discontent, and exhibit sensitivity to criticism, or envy of others.

As a student, you can read till day break (TDB), but if you do not have sense of trust and confidence in what you are studying, the time spent in reading will be counter productive. Self esteem is vital for achievement. You must not only feel good about yourself, but also feel like you can perform and can accomplish great things.
Having self-esteem is not basically related to your good looks, height, or the social and economic status of your family, but it is accepting your faults, and emphasizing your good traits.

Parents can always help to build the self-esteem of their children by spending a lot of time with them, especially doing activities that they enjoy. Children can be allowed to be part of the decision-making process that affects them; this will help them to learn responsibility and feel like their parents trust them.

Parents should learn to praise their children and pay attention to them, teaching them how to manage success. The children too should appreciate their parents’ commendation. When children become adolescents, their self esteem drops because of the physical, mental and social events attached to this stage of development. Parents can help at this time by making sure that they understand and are prepared for all the changes their children are passing through.

The way you feel about yourself has a huge effect on the way you treat yourself and others. It also affects the kind of choices we make. Here are some things you can do to protect or reinforce your self-esteem:

1.Spend time with people who like you and care about you.
2.Ignore people who let you down or treat you badly.
3.Do things that you enjoy and are good at.
4.Reward yourself for your success.
5.Develop your talents.
6.Be your own best friend - treat yourself well and do things that are good for you.
7.Make good choices for yourself and do not allow others to make your choices for you.
8.Always do that you believe is right.
9.Be true to yourself and your values.
10.Set goals and work to achieve them.

If you assume responsibility for improving your life, learning to control yourself and putting time and effort into good causes, you will like yourself better and others will admire you. A good student feels responsible for doing well, while an unserious student blames teachers, the school or the test.

Building self-esteem is a necessary life building skill, which will help young people resist peer pressure and develop positive attributes.

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GOAL SETTING - A NECESSARY TOOL IN ACHIEVING SUCCESS

Ipinnaiye Opeyemi

“All the work I have done has paid off, I have got my medal and I hope it is the start of many things to come.”

These were the words of England triple jumper Philips Idowu after he won the commonwealth gold in Melbourne.He had a disappointed outing in the 2004 Olympics in Athens where he failed to register a valid jump, but in 2006 he became a gold medalist.

What struck me most about this athlete were his commitment, dedication and hard work to achieving his goals inspite of the challenges he encountered.A life without goals can be compared to a herd of cows without a herdsman. It is obvious that the herd of cows will lack direction on where to graze and become a nuisance to the community.Goals can be defined as things we want to achieve in life, towards which we direct our efforts. It can also be described as our day-by-day Blueprint that provides achievable targets for incremental improvement.

There are two different types of goals, which are long term, and short-term goals. Long-term goals are goals to be achieved over a longer period while short-term goals are to be achieved in a short period.Goal setting is an activity that enables us to plan. Students, top-level athletes, successful business people and achievers in all fields use this technique.As young people we need to set goals for ourselves, this will serve as a spring board in achieving greatness and success in life. Goal setting helps in planning, monitoring and evaluation of one’s achievement.It helps you choose what you want to be, where you want to go in life, which you want to be associated with and what you want to be remembered for.When setting your goals it is important you put into cognizance some factors like your potentials, interest, aptitudes, disposition and circumstances.

These factors play vital roles in attainment of goals you set. For example a young person whose ambition is to become a Medical Doctor should have interest in a science orientated subject because it will help in the attainment of the goals.You need to set “SMART” goals; these are goals that are specific: measurable, attainable, rewarding and time- bound. When goals are specific, it helps you become focused while trying to attain your goals. Specific goals give a clearer picture of your aims, a sense of purpose and efforts directed towards achievement of the goals.Goals we set should be measurable; it serves as a control mechanism to know if we are deviating from our goals. It also helps to rate our performance. Setting measurable goals gives room for improvement. For example a Musician who had a goal of selling platinum records but ended up selling five hundred thousand copies, knows he has to work harder on his next album to achieve the goal of selling a million copies. Some goals have been difficult to attain because they are incredible ones, setting incredible goals and non attainment of it might make one feel like a failure, so you need to set goals that are attainable and feasible.It is important that goals we set for ourselves are rewarding and time-bound.

If your goals are rewarding it builds your self esteem and gives you the drive in achieving your goals. The time frame set for your goals can not be overemphasized, whether you set long term goals or short term goals, it must be time bound.SMART goals are result oriented, so once you have set your goals run through the SMART analysis. We should learn to be dynamic because sometimes our goals might not work in your favor not because one is not committed or hard working but a circumstance beyond one’s control affects the goals. It makes a whole lot of sense if there are back up plans for our goals. I have seen young people who have wasted time because their goals were not working in their favor. A good illustration is that of a young man who had to spend three years at home because his goal to attend a particular University could not be attained. He had excellent scores in all the University entrance examinations he attempted to gain admission to that University but he was always denied admission. In that circumstance, it is advisable to try admission in other equally reputable Universities.Having back up plans is not a yard stick for you to set weak goals, setting weak goals will make your achievement be unnoticed because it will always be compared with every other achievement.

If you have not set goals for yourself remember like the analogy at the beginning of this article, your life can be compared with the herd of cows without herdsman - no direction, no sense of purpose and being a nuisance because you might want to disturb those that have goals and possibly derail them from attaining their goals.Remember it is not too late, pick up a paper and write down your goals, begin to plan on how to achieve your goals and someday you will speak like that triple jumper “All the work I have done has paid off.”

BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM

The dictionary defines self-esteem as one's opinion especially good opinion of oneself. It can also be defined as self-respect, confidence in your own merit as an individual person.

Self-esteem involves appreciating your worth as a person, loving yourself for who you are. A large majority of people do not like themselves. This could either be because of their physical appearance (they feel they are too fat, too skinny or lacking in good looks), mental capability (not intelligent, slow learners), or social skills (they are introverts and do not mix easily).

Low self-esteem, which can also be described as inferiority complex, is a deadly syndrome which can lead to self-destruction if not quickly nipped in the bud. Individuals with low self-esteem feel inferior to other people whom they perceive to be better than they.

Humans are social beings who crave the approval from parents, siblings, peers and from the society as a whole. When this approval is withheld it could lead to a feeling of worthlessness. For instance the recent increase in violent crimes among young people is related to the low sense of self-esteem which pervades the society. The ability to instill fear in others offers a sense of power to these young people.

This situation is worsened by the media which portrays good looks as being essential for every individual. Thus there has been a rise in the number of people especially teenagers suffering from various eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia.

Low self-esteem could result in depression and may even result in suicidal tendencies.

It was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent'. When an individual looks down on you, if you do not allow it to weigh you down then it is of no consequence.

Although your achievements may be belittled by the people around you, they may mock you because of your present circumstances or because you do not fit into their mould, do not let it weigh you down. People will always mock what they do not understand because they fear whatever appears different from the norm.

The following can be done to build up one's self-esteem:

Diagnose the root cause of the poor self-esteem: once the root cause is known, it would be easier to take the necessary steps to remedy this.

Read inspirational books: There are many biographies and autobiographies of people who have succeeded against all odds. These can be useful in helping to boost self-confidence as then you will realize that whatever you are going through is not peculiar to you.

It may also be helpful to have role models .i.e. individuals who have attained success in their fields of endeavor and strive to emulate them.

Avoid negative people: This is crucial to maintaining a healthy self-esteem. There are individuals who only see the negative in others. Such people will always have a negative effect on you, so I'd say steer clear of them.

Set goals: By setting goals which are achievable an individual can build up his self-esteem. As each set goal is achieved your confidence is boosted and you are encouraged to set higher targets for yourself.

Nobody is worthless; every individual is special with their own unique abilities. Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

SPEAK TO BE REMEMBERED AND REPEATED

by Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE

"Speak to be remembered and repeated." Isn't that the goal of every communicator - to be remembered and repeated?

This is a key idea I reinforce at every Fripp Speaking School. (The November event was such a success that three more have already been booked for 2007.) Actually, it is a key idea every time I have the opportunity to discuss speaking and presentation skills. Yes, it's easier said than done. Here are a few key ideas.

Speak in shorter sentences.

Edit your sentences to a nub. Remember, Jerry Seinfeld said, "I will spend an hour taking an eight word sentence and making it five." In comedy, the fewer the words between the set-up and the punch word, the bigger the laugh.

Don't step on your punch word which should be the final word or idea in the sentence. (Yes, this works for Jerry and his comedian brethren, and it also works for business communicators.)
Choose the best punch word. For example, in the sentence, "You have to make an important decision today," your punch word should be "decision." So switch it around: "Today, you have to make an important DECISION!"

If you have a sentence with two important words or phrases, put the more important is at the end. "Today, YOU have to make an important DECISION." Or, "The important DECISION today is going to be made by YOU."

Perfect your pause. Deliver your punch word and then pause—and pause—and pause. Give your listeners time to digest what you've just said. Get comfortable with silence, and don't be tempted to fill it with "um's."

Repeat your key ideas more than once.

Say something memorable.

Let us look at a few recent examples from the memorial for 60 Minutes' Ed Bradley.
Fellow 60 Minutes reporter Steve Kroft said, "I learned a lot from Ed Bradley, and not just about journalism. I learned a lot about friendship, manners, clothes, wine, freshly cut flowers—which he had delivered to his office every week—and the importance of stopping and smelling them every once in awhile."

Surprise guest Bill Clinton said, "Ed Bradley was a brilliant, insatiable, curious traveler on a relentless quest to get to the bottom of things. He was like the great jazz musicians he so admired. He always played in the key of reason. His songs were full of the notes of facts; but he knew to make the most of music you have to improvise. We'll never forget what his solos were: the disarming smile; the disconcerting stare; the highly uncomfortable stretches of silence, the deceptively dangerous questions, and the questions that would be revealing, no matter what your answer was. Watching him was mesmerizing — because you knew you were watching a master at work."

Patricia Fripp is an award-winning keynote speaker, executive speech coach, and in-demand sales presentation skills trainer. www.fripp.com, pfripp@fripp.com, (415) 753-6556

LEADERSHIP LESSONS FROM EVERYDAY HEROES

By Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE

Leaders get results through others. There are everyday heroes you've never heard of who may teach you almost as much as famous business writers. Why? Because these people have developed the ability to discover extraordinary employees -- right under their noses.

Is there a gold mine of creativity, innovation, and leadership in your midst? Most companies do and don't know it. You may have such a worker right now and not be aware of it.

Patty Lake, one of my "everyday heroes," told me about a woman on her staff at Shell Services International who had worked in Payroll for over twenty-five years.

"In all that time," says Patty, "she had never received a promotion. She had never been recognized for her contributions, led a team or participated on a special project. She hadn't had a raise in several years. No one ever asked for her opinion or input. No one offered her training or development opportunities. No one had even bothered to find out if she enjoyed her job. And she was the lowest paid person in her job grade in the entire company.

"She had been given the lowest performance rating short of termination for many years. She didn't rock the boat. She just did her job and did not complain.

"Fortunately, I didn't know any of this. When I started at Shell, my manager agreed to let me give each employee a clean slate. I would not review past performance assessments nor listen to old gossip. Instead, I sat down with each staff member to find out about them and what they did. This woman, along with several others, expressed an interest in learning more about payroll and developing her skills and capabilities.

"I took her at her word and arranged for her to participate in the local American Payroll Association (APA) chapter. She took the basic payroll seminar offered by the national APA, took computer-application classes, and attended the state-wide conference.
"She blossomed!

"Late this past fall, she led a project team for a customer's special needs project, a highly visible and very delicate undertaking. The outcome was phenomenal. She and her entire team were recognized and rewarded by the customer for their successful handling of the work. In addition, she is now leading end-user training on the newly implemented web-based time and attendance system. She regularly speaks out in team meetings and has many creative and useful ideas. And she is planning to sit for the CPP (Certified Payroll Professional) exam this fall and studies for it every day.

"When she got her performance review this March, she earned a significant raise and an incentive bonus. She cried and told me that all she had ever needed was someone to believe in her. I did and I do."

Such a simple story from a woman you have probably never heard of and will never meet, but Patty Lake's example of discovering and developing leaders right under your nose could change your life and your own results as a leader. Now it's up to you.